Elephant Jokes

What is the difference between  
a lemon and a white elephant ?

The Lemon is yellow.

With what words would
you scold an elephant?

Tusk, tusk!

What's big and grey and mutters?

A mumbo Jumbo.

A man went into a restaurant and sat down. He was looking around when he noticed a
sign on the wall. It read If you ask for something and we can't serve it to you , we will pay you
£100. the man thought a while about this and when the waiter came for his order he said,
"I'd like Elephants ears on toast please."Brown or white toast sir?" The waiter asked.
The man smiled, sure that there was no way  they could serve him elephants ears on toast,
"White toast please." The man sat and waited.Eventually the waiter came back and handed
him £100.  The man smiled, "I knew you'd have to pay me the £100 "he said."Yes sir",
replied the waiter. "I'm afraid we've run out of bread!"

What's the difference between a biscuit and an elephant?

Answer: You can't dip an elephant in you tea!

What do you get if an
elephant sits on your friend?

A flat mate!

What do you get if you cross
a kangaroo with an elephant?

Great big holes all over Australia.

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Why do elephants live in the jungle?

They're too big to live in the house.

What's big red and hides in a bush?

An embarrassed elephant.

How do you get rid
of a white elephant?

Put it in a jumbo sale.

Why do elephants lie down?

They can't lie up.

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't
pay the ransom.

What's grey, has wings,
a magic wand and a trunk?

The tusk fairy.

What do you get if you cross
a goldfish with an elephant?

Swimming trunks.

Jack: Have a peanut.

Jill:No thanks they're fattening.


Jill:Yes.  Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

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Why couldn't the elephants go swimming?

They only had one pair
of trunks between them!

What's worse than an
elephant on water skis?

A porcupine on the rubber life raft.

Why did the big game
hunter give up
hunting elephants?

He got tired of carrying the decoys.

How do you stop an elephant
going through the
eye of a needle?

Tie a knot in his tail.

What do you get if you cross
an elephant with a canary?

A messy cage!

Where is the elephants
favourite place to holiday?


What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

About five miles an hour!

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What do you give an exhausted elephant?


What's the difference
between a flea and an elephant?

An elephant can have fleas
but a flea can't have elephants!

How do you know if there's
an elephant in your bed?

By the "E" on his pyjamas.

How does an elephant
get down from a tree?

He sits on a leaf and wait till autumn.

What did the grape say when
the elephant stepped on him?

Nothing he just let out a little wine.

What do you call
a dead elephant?

Anything you like
he can't hear you!

Why is an elephant big,
grey and wrinkled?

Because if it were small,
fluffy and yellow it
would be a canary.

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What time is it when an
elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new one.

Why did the elephant tie
a knot in his trunk?

So he wouldn't forget.

What should you do if an elephant charges?

Pay and run!

What's big, grey, heavy and has 16 wheels?

An elephant on roller skates!

Where are elephants found?

They're so big they're hardly ever lost!

Why do elephants live in zoos?

Because its cheaper than renting a house.

What do elephants play
when they are in the car?


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What's the biggest ant in the world?


What do you call an elephant in a phone box?


Why did the elephant paint
himself in rainbow colours.

He wanted to hide
in the crayon box.

What do you  call an
elephant that flies?

A jumbo jet.

When do elephants have 8 feet?

When there are two of them.

Which takes less time to get
ready for a trip, a
rooster or an elephant?

A Rooster, he only takes his comb.

What's the difference between
an Indian elephant and
an African elephant?

About 3,000 miles.

What do you call an elephant
who is only three feet high?


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How do elephants dive
into the swimming pool?

Head first.

What did the hotel manager
say to the elephant who
couldn't pay his bill?

Pack your trunk and move out.

What do you give an elephant with big feet.

Big flippers.

Which side of an elephant has the most skin?

The outside.

What's big and grey and loves curry?

An Indian elephant.

What do you get if you cross
an elephant and a mouse?

Huge holes in the skirting board.

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Why don't elephants eat penguins?

Because they can't get the wrappers off!

How do you know when an
elephant is about to charge?

He takes out his credit cards.

How many giraffes can you fit into a car?

Four, two in the front and two in the back.

Why did the elephant wear red shoes?

His blue ones were at the menders!

How many elephants can you fit in a car?

None, its already full of giraffes!

What's a jumbo jet?

A flying elephant.

Why do elephants have such big trunks?

They have to travel all the way from Africa.

Can an elephant jump
higher than a lamp-post?

Yes.  A lamp-post can't jump.

How do you get an
elephant into a matchbox?

Take the matches out first.

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What did the river say
when the elephant sat in it?

Well I'll be damned!

Why did the elephant
quit working for the circus?

He was tired of
working for peanuts.

Why can't an
elephant ride a bicycle?

Because he doesn't have
a thumb to reach the bell.

Why do elephants paint
the soles of their feet yellow?

So they can hide upside
down in the custard.

How can you tell there is
an elephant in the fridge?

You can't shut the door.

How do you know if an
elephant has been in your bed?

It's full of shelled peanuts.

How can you tell an
elephant has been
in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter!

Why didn't the elephant
cross the road.

He didn't want to be
mistaken for a chicken.

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Why did the elephant
paint his head yellow?

To see if blonds had more fun.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

It was the chickens day off!

What do you get if you cross
a loaf of bread with an elephant?

A sandwich that will never forget?

What's big, wrinkled and green?

An unripe elephant!

What's big, grey, very very
heavy and wears glass slippers?


How can you tell there's
an elephant under the bed?

Your nose touches the ceiling!

Why are elephants grey?

So they can't be mistaken 
for strawberries.

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Why do elephants have trunks?

Because they'd look silly with handbags!

What has two tails, two trunks and five legs?

An elephant with spare parts.

How do you get an elephant into the car?

Open the door.

Why shouldn't you dance with an elephant?

Because you'd end up with flat feet.

How do you know an
elephants come for tea?

His tricycle is parked outside.

What's grey and white
and red all over?

An embarrassed elephant.

Elephant trainer:  My elephant
just swallowed a camera!

Vet:Don't worry sir,
nothing will develop.

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